


Two dwarves and a ferret

by Khim_Azaghal, Vickymaus



Category: The Hobbit - All Media Types
Genre: Alternate Universe - Steampunk, Fili and Kili are space smugglers, M/M, Sibling Incest, Thorin is a rebel leader, the elves are Customs Officers and Alfrid is their informer
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-10-24
Updated: 2016-10-24
Packaged: 2018-08-24 11:30:40
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,166
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8370541
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Khim_Azaghal/pseuds/Khim_Azaghal, https://archiveofourown.org/users/Vickymaus/pseuds/Vickymaus
Summary: Kili and Fili are space smugglers chased by Thranduil's armada through the galaxy. After a rough chase, the brothers are forced to hide on a wild planet. What Kili will find in the hold of the ship one night will change their lives.





	

 

 

“Kili, I heard a noise.”

“Hmmm, what noise? I didn’t hear a thing.”

Kili was still basking in the afterglow of their lovemaking. Sure his brother knew how to release tension. Stretching like a lazy cat, the young dwarf scooted closer and curled around Fili’s body to steal its heat. The blond didn’t complain and planted a soft kiss on the crown of his brother’s head. He knew what Kili was thinking about.

“Be patient, brother. Soon we can take off and get back to business.”

“How soon?” whined Kili.

“I can’t tell yet. We need to be sure we won’t get caught.”

Fili and Kili had been hiding for weeks in their secret shelter at the far end of the galaxy, and they intended to stay there until Thranduil’s armada would abandon their research.

The Khagal'abbad was well camouflaged in the darkness of a deep grotto in the middle of the jungle from what they called their Treasure Planet. The asteroid was remote and wild enough to shelter their principal cache. Stored in various natural caves, their illegal goods were secured from the Elven Space Customs Brigade.

The smugglers' ship had been a bit damaged during their escape, but their precious cargo was safe. Sailing close to a supernova had forced Fili to stop on this forsaken planet, but at least he had avoided being sucked into a black hole. The solar panels and the boiler only needed some minor repairs before he and Kili could take off and leave their cache.

However, Fili’s younger brother wasn’t the patient kind. Kili yearned for adventure. Every day, he ventured farther and farther from the ship to hunt game and gather fruits in the depths of the jungle they were stuck in.

One night, Fili got so worried his brother wouldn’t come back from one of his dangerous expeditions that they argued and even fought over Kili’s recklessness. Like each time they fought, it had ended in bed, the two of them battling for dominance. Tonight had been no exception.

“Baby?” purred Fili with his most seductive smile, dimples in full display. “Would you be kind enough to fetch us some fruit? I’m ravenous.”

Of course. Fili was always hungry after sex. And like every time, Kili complied. He just couldn’t resist his brother and captain’s honeyed voice.

***~~~~***

Only dressed with a sheet hastily thrown around his body, the young dwarf was rummaging through the pantry set inside the ship’s hold in search of fruits when he heard a noise.

Pricking up his ears, Kili froze. He and Fili were supposed to be the only ones aboard.

Another muffled clatter coming from the far end of the pantry spurred Kili into action. Used to danger and emergency, the two brothers had riddled their ship with many stashes for their weapons.

As silent as a shadow in the night, Kili crawled on the wooden floor until he found a particular dislodged plank. Now armed with a musket and ready to fire, the smuggler made his way toward the noise.

What he found behind wooden crates left him speechless and wide eyed.

***~~~~***

“Fee! Look what I’ve found! A stowaway!”

From the depths of their four-poster bed, Fili propped himself on his elbows and arched an eyebrow at the creature Kili was presenting to him.

“A ferret?”

“Yeah! Can we keep it, Fili please?”

Fili’s eyes went from his brother’s imploring puppy eyes to the small white ferret squirming in Kili’s hands.

“What would we do with a ferret??”

“We could keep it as a pet!”

“We don’t need a pet.”

“Oh, Fee, please! I’ll feed it and take care of it. Look, it’s only a baby. We can’t leave it by itself. Pretty please?”

Annoyed, Fili huffed. They didn’t need a pet, indeed. But Kili’s new passion could help to keep him away from danger for a while...

“All right, you can keep it,” surrendered Fili with a sigh.

His next breath got punched out of his lungs when Kili threw himself into his arms to embrace and kiss him.

***~~~~***

Having a ferret on board turned out to be quite convenient.

Kili had found out their little guy was, in fact, a girl and had named her Lia. The little beast was ingenious, and she was a fast learner. She could sneak everywhere, and in no time she could fetch lots of little things for her master for she was sure to be rewarded with delicious treats for her trouble.

Deeply attached to Kili, little Lia usually tried to stick with him _all_ the time, but she would inevitably get thrown out of the bed by a disgruntled Fili every night.

The little ferret proved to be quite helpful as Kili’s assistant. Being the mechanic of the ship, the young dwarf had taught Lia to fetch light tools from his toolbox, and the ferret enjoyed this game greatly.

A few weeks after Kili's discovery, the smugglers were finally able to leave their hideout and get back into the business, as it seemed that Thranduil's starships had left to search for them in a faraway part of the galaxy.

***~~~~***

Sailing to the Blue Mountains planet while avoiding elven patrols hadn’t been easy, but the Durinson brothers knew secret space currents that could guarantee them a relative safety.

“You’re late!” spat Thorin, the leader of the rebel tribe they used to deal with. “Two months late to be precise!”

Thick and heavy velvet curtains shielded the three dwarves from the clanking and hissing sounds coming from the steam coaches in the busy street.

Comfortably seated in leather armchairs by a roaring fire, the two brothers chose not to react. They were accustomed to Thorin's moods. Trying to explain the reason for their delay would be useless. The stern rebel leader didn't care about excuses.

"All you asked for is now stored in your vaults, though. Swords, Gatling guns, gemstones, and alcohol and pipeweed for your crew," calmly stated Fili after a long sip of Ereborian rum.

“So, if you don’t mind, we’d like to talk about our gold now,” finished Kili with a smug grin.

Thorin grunted and sat down behind his large green marble desk before adjusting his monocle. A pile of parchments filled with the list and price of each item was awaiting his seal of approval. Costs were high, but so were his objectives. Claiming back his birth planet wouldn't be easy, and he would need all the weapons he could gather.

The Durinson brothers were part of the rare smugglers who supported his cause, and they had never deceived him. However, Thorin always insisted on verifying himself the sums aligned on their invoices. His nimble fingers worked fast on his abacus.

“Your rates have increased since last time…” groaned Thorin.

Fili smirked. “Sailing through the galaxy has become more dangerous for us lately. We need to tend to our ship. And I don’t even mention Thranduil’s armada.”

Thorin dismissed him with an impatient wave of his hand, his eyes not leaving the parchments. After an irritated sigh, he signed the invoice and sealed a message in a capsule destined to his accountant. A few seconds later, the capsule was travelling fast through an intricate system of pneumatic tubes.

***~~~~***

Their pockets filled with gold, Fili and Kili decided to celebrate their success in the nearest pub.

They didn’t notice the hunchbacked man following them.

Rum flew excessively that night, and little Lia proved her worth once more by biting the fools who had dared and try to rob the far too inebriated brothers.

***~~~~***

Morning came, forcing Fili and Kili to leave the dirty alley they had been thrown into after the pub’s closing. Lia comfortably tucked in an inner pocket of Kili’s brown leather coat, they made their way through the busy streets to the harbour.

Not far behind them, a stranger was sending an electrical telegram to the nearest Customs Patrol.

When the smugglers noticed the officers waiting by their ship, it was already too late.

***~~~~***

“I can’t believe we’ve been caught.”

Deprived of his boots, belt, knives, and poison rings, Fili was brooding over their arrest in the bottom of his cell.

Being separated from Kili was even more depressing. His beloved brother was facing him, two sets of bars and the width of a dark corridor between them. Unable to even touch the tip of Kili’s fingers through the bars, Fili felt desperate.

“Those bastards seized our ship and our gold. Someone must have sold us out. Fuck! Elven prisons are almost impossible to escape from… And nobody will come for us.”

Fili punched the wall, ignoring the pain radiating through his fist.

“And Lia has disappeared. I hope she’s fine. Do you think she’s fine?” Kili’s voice was broken as if he was on the verge of tears. He had never been departed from his pet since he had found her.

"Lia's smart. I'm sure she's figured out a way to escape." Fili tried to smile to his brother, but he was only half convinced Lia had been spared if caught. Despite his gruff behaviour towards the white ferret, he loved her almost as much as Kili.

“Your girl’s fine, brother. Don’t worry about her.”

***~~~~***

After one week of imprisonment, Fili and Kili were sure they wouldn’t see Lia again.

The disgusting green food and the grim atmosphere of the elven jail were getting on Kili's nerves. The young dwarf couldn't stand being locked up. He needed to see the starry sky, to feel the solar winds ruffling his hair while standing on the deck of his ship beside Fili. He needed the warmth of his brother. He needed Lia.

More depressed than ever, Kili spent his day pacing restlessly in his cell while Fili tried to imagine escape plans.

***~~~~***

Lia was shivering from the cold, hidden in a storehouse on the harbour.

The little white ferret had been separated from Kili days ago, during the eventful arrest of her two dwarves.

Now, mean looking elves in arms guarded the Khagal'abbad night and day, and she was forced to search through the garbage to feed herself.

Life on the harbour was challenging and dangerous for such a little being. One night, after breaking in a fisherman's shack to find food and shelter, she had been chased by a dog and had the fright of her life. Lost in the foggy night, she had finally found a temporary refuge in the boiler room of the harbour’s captaincy.

Apart from the lack of food and warmth, Lia missed her dwarves. Even Fili. She needed to hear him complain about her presence in the bed every night and to see his grumpy face again. All this and Kili meant home to her.

After a whole week of solitude, Lia, tired of waiting for Kili to come back, decided to go and look for him.

She had memorised the face, but mostly the smell of the officers who had taken her dwarves away. So, the day she saw one of those nasty elves on the pier near the ship, she stuck to his heels.

The tall creature was so dull. Work, work, work. Work and no play. That's all he did from morning to night. The elf patrolled the whole city, aboard a strange hissing vehicle made out of shiny metal.

Unfortunately for her, Lia had failed at jumping inside it and had had to follow it as fast as she could and avoid being hit by passers-by and other vehicles. Twice, she had lost the elf's track in the ambient smog and panicked. Like all ferrets, she wasn't meant to live in the wild, and she could get easily lost in an unknown environment.

But Lia got rewarded for her trouble by the end of the day.

At the end of his shift, the elf stopped by the prison to hand his report to his captain.

The officer nodded briefly at a grinning man going out with a satchel full of gold. Mister Lickspittle had earned his reward for having warned the patrol as soon as he had spotted the smugglers in town.

Lia was following the elven officer as a familiar smell went straight from her muzzle to her brain. Her dwarves’ scent was stronger in this place! Without losing an instant, the ferret slipped into the jail unseen and followed the odorant trail to where Kili and Fili were held prisoners.

She ran through a complex set of corridors, remaining in the shadows, and only relying on her sense of smell.

Finally, after a few detours including one by the too tempting kitchen, she reached the dungeons. Her poor dwarves were there, sprawled against their cells’ walls, looking sad and miserable.

Lia waggled and fluffed her tail when she saw Kili. Unable to contain her excitement, she jumped and chuckled until he noticed her.

“Lia! How did you get here?” Kili’s voice was hoarse from the lack of use. “Oh, my girl, I’m so glad you made it! Come! Fili, can you believe that? Lia’s here!”

The ferret snaked easily between the bars of the cell and ran to Kili. She nibbled the tip of his fingers and nestled in the crook of his neck, happy to be petted and to share her dwarf’s body heat.

From the other side of the corridor, Fili couldn't believe his eyes. Lia was here! She was a bit skinnier than before, but she seemed to be all right. The moving reunion between the ferret and his brother distracted him during a few minutes until he heard the distinctive sound of boots on the concrete ground.

Fili quickly whistled between his teeth to have Kili's attention. Lia shouldn't be found, or she'd be put to death by the guards!

Kili hastily concealed the ferret in his shirt, struggling to avoid laughing as she wiggled against his bare skin to make herself comfortable.

After the guard's departure and another small and disgusting elven dinner, the two smugglers whispered animatedly about their renewed hope. Thanks to Lia, they eventually had a chance to escape the dungeon.

***~~~~***

More than a week spent in the elven jail had allowed the brothers to learn the guards’ regular schedule.

It was time to put Lia's skills to good use.

They waited for the night to fall with very little patience. The perspective of breaking free from the elven dungeon had made Kili and Fili restless. Lia felt their excitement and couldn’t stop bouncing and running around Kili’s cell.

“Lia, listen to me.” The ferret stopped and stared at her dwarf when she heard her name.

“Go and fetch the keys to our cells.”

Go. Fetch. Keys. Lia enjoyed this. It meant reward.

The ferret ran through the corridors to the guardroom. Two elves were there, playing cards. A big silver ring with several keys was hanging from a hook near the door. A nearby chair helped Lia to get closer to her objective.

But how could she snatch the keys without being heard?

***~~~~***

The shrill  sound of the alarm was blaring through the jail.

Lia and her dwarves had temporarily escaped from the elven guards, but the chase wasn't over. The ferret's little heart was beating fast against Kili's chest as they were running through the city's sewers. Their only advantage was that the Customs Brigade was looking for them on the surface.

Now plunged into the darkness and the stench of the damp tunnels, the smugglers only hoped they would survive long enough to find their ship and take off. Fili and Kili were barefoot and only dressed in their trousers and shirts. The presence of rats irritated Lia and Kili had to have a firm hold on her to prevent her from chasing them and getting lost.

Barely knowing where they were, they attempted to come back to the surface.

***~~~~***

After spending two days and a night in the heat of the sewers, Fili and Kili’s teeth clattered from the sudden cold they felt. They were on an unknown street, and the moon was slowly rising.

Quickly, the two smugglers ran towards an isolated alley to retrieve the protection of the shadows, their hearts beating fast underneath their damp skins. They had to feed. And drink.

Attracted by the smell of food, they soon found the garbage cans from a cheap joint and didn’t think twice before diving into the greasy food waste.

A few hours were necessary for Fili and Kili to find their bearings again. The night's dark cloak being in their favour, the dwarves approached the guarded pier. Four armed officers were watching the surroundings of the Khagal'abbad.

"Come on. We can take them!" Kili hissed.

“Are you crazy? We don’t have weapons, I’ll have you know!”

Fili thought for a few instants. “We need to distract them. I have a plan.”

***~~~~***

Kili let Lia out of his shirt with much reluctance. But their freedom depended on her.

The little ferret charged the guards bravely. She snaked between their ankles and bit them tirelessly once they were squirming on the slippery ground of the pier. Her velocity saved her from the blows they tried to inflict her with the butt of their rifles.

Taking advantage of the guards’ confusion, two fast shadows entered the ship unseen.

A sharp whistling from Kili made Lia dash towards a small trap the dwarf had designed especially for her.

By the time the guards realised they had been tricked, the Khagal'abbad was taking off.

***~~~~***

Fili had set the coordinates of their cache on the automatic pilot, enabled all the shields, and deployed the sail-shaped solar panels. Soon, they would be out of the elven jurisdiction, and they could relax.

Retrieving the small comfort of the Khagal'abbad felt like heaven. They hadn’t much, but it was way better than a damp and cold elven jail.

Safe inside their ship again, the first thing the trio made after drinking and eating was to take a hot bath together in the large copper tub of the captain's cabin.

At first, Fili had refused the tub’s access to Lia, but Kili’s imploring eyes had won once again. Like always.

The ferret enjoyed swimming and being cleaned, but she quickly decided to bury herself in the soothing heat of the little nest Kili had built her out of old pelts and wool.

After mutually tending to their minor injuries, Fili and Kili combed and braided each other’s hair. The bath had washed away the adrenaline and the tension of their escape, and they both fell asleep as soon as their heads hit the pillows.

***~~~~***

The morning after, as the sun was rising once again on the galaxy, Fili and Kili celebrated their new freedom their way, sheltered by the curtains of their four-poster bed.

After being so close to losing their lives, the two dwarves felt determined to enjoy their time  together even more. Their activities could wait. Now was the ideal time for some holidays far from civilisation.

**Author's Note:**

> This is an entry for FiKi Week 2016 (cliché or original). Vicky did the gorgeous art and Khim wrote the story. We hope this Steampunk AU looks original enough ^^
> 
> We'd be glad to read your thoughts :)


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